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September 5, 2004
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Teacher Sentenced for Slapping Leader

Things are heating up in Germany.  Some schoolteacher lacking prospects found the most satisfying outlet for his pent-up frustration in physically assaulting the Chancellor.  While many fellow countrymen are feeling likewise about their national leader, this particular brand of dissent is, as a rule, frowned upon.  The offending educator got a slap on the wrist (probation) for the somewhat more insulting slap on the face that he inflicted. The Germans haven't caught onto Hamurabi's Code yet.

They're in a bad funk in Germany at the moment - kind of like the US was in the seventies.  The economy sucks burdened as it is by the creeping effects of Socialism.  It will take years of painful reforms to dig out from under - everybody seems to know it but suffers from a severe case of NIMBY syndrome.  And they're getting no repect on the world stage as Bush conducts
Jeff Goldthorp's Slightly Bizarre But True Current Events Site
Old News
Let Me Kow What You Think!
Exploit Inherant Incompetency - Everybody knows, or at least thinks, Gerry Ford is a nice guy, but he sure is a klutz.  With leaders like this public humiliation becomes a personal way of life and a national punchline.  They also make it easy to express dissent through an indirect form of assault.  If you can simply arrange to have the clumsy head of state appear in circumstances that demand a bit of grace a slip-up is sure to follow.  Of course, you'll need to follow this up with some kind of claim of responsibility - maybe arrange to be seen on camera after the fall with a sign that reads something like
Befriend Their Enemies  - Despite everything they say about Ford's kindness, folks in high places don't get there by being nice all the time. Even Gerry was a bastard when he had to be, which was probably most of the time the cameras weren't running.  So there's bound to be a large collection of disillusioned, dispirited, disgusted, and just plain pissed cast-offs out there to be mined.  Seek them out, for they have much to offer..  Take those Swift Boaters, for example.  Kerry must have done something in Nam to 
foreign policy with an Army of One.  

Our teach, Jens Ammoser, who represented himself without the usually desirable benefits of any legal training whatsoever, made a couple of rookie mistakes.  Prior to his hearing he sat outside the courtroom and distributed jokes about the Chancellor to a crowd hungry for more reasons to feel bad about the nation.  As he sat through the testimony he drew strength from a " toy red devil (placed) in front of him as a good luck charm."  His main defense was the claim that the charges were "ridiculous."  All creative tactics;  none effective.

Teachers aren't the only ones trying to get a peice of Schroeder.  He was egged at an event recently and his security detail has been bolstered.  But, if you ask me, our friends in Deutschland are coming up a little short in the imagination department.  If you despise your leader to the point of breaking the law, surely it's worth the time to think of a creative expression.  I don't know, but here's what I think.   

The Chancellor in Happier Days
really piss these guys off.  So if you want to take a poke at the retro JFK, just go dredging aound in his past, even those years when he was serving his country with honor, and you're sure to find some folks that will speak ill of him.  Particularly if you make it woth their while.
"Where's That Second Step?"
Fire Him  - This whole thing is about employment and benefits, right?  Why not simply give Herr Schroeder a taste of his own medicine and show him the door.  Last time I checked Germany is still a democracy.  If enough people get pissed they can get together and express themselves the old-fashioned way.  The Chancellor might feel a little different about things if he found himself unemployed.  And simple assault carries much less severe penalties than Chancellor assault.
The Universal Anger Symbol

 "Nice Move, Grace.  Teachers For Job Protection"  That should get the point across, and you might even escape arrest.  
"Do I Get A Private Secretary?"
An Intelligent Objector
Tell It Like It Is  - Most people that are driven to some form of public, ostentatious display of disapproval resort to throwing objects, which is kind of childish when you come right down to it.  Don't they teach us in kindergarden that we're not supposed to throw stuff at each other.  It takes awhile for the lesson to sink in when it comes to food, but most of us gave up on more dangerous projectiles before we got to first grade.  I think it's the only question on the kindergarden final exam.  So why not keep the dialog open by expressing 
youselff verbally instead of physically..  The guy depicted above seems to have the right idea.  There's no need to be particularly constructive, after all you're merely substituting one form of personal assault for another.  And this one might get you off with a simple misdemeanor.
Breaking News

Bears Could Delay Start of School Year

Reuters reports that "30 brown bears have been terrorizing a Transylvanian mountain village", causing parents to keep their children indoors and delaying the start of the school year.  I suspect that the Transylvanians, concerned about the affect on the local tourist industry, are covering up the latest werewolf outbreak.  So, a word to the wise, if you're travel plans take you to Romania, stay our of the woods at night.