No Kidding
email me
September 14, 2000
Sign InView Entries
Too-Smart Would-Be Policeman Loses Appeal

The folks in New London, Conn have decided that you don't have to be a rocket scientest to patrol the streets - in fact, it's an on-the-job hazard!  A would-be public servant was rejected there this week because he scored too high on an intelligence test.  Not being one to leave well enough along, he appealed to the U.S.Court of Appeals, which upheld a lower court's ruling in the matter.  

Jeff Goldthorp's Slightly Bizarre Current Events Site
The foiled gumshoe, Robert Jordan, scored 33 points on his test.  They only talk to you in New London if you're in the 20 - 27 range.  When asked to explain their bizarre weeding strategy, the New London Police Department speculated that people of even slightly above average intelligence would quickly get bored with police work.  They should know.

Not wanting to see any career option closed to the intellectually gifted, we have some suggestions for New London that might allow them to raise the bar:
Adopt a "Three Strikes And You're IN" law - The quickest way to earn dollars towards that lofty college tuition bill.  Three felonies and the lucky offender gets a free year at the state university of his or her choice.  Smarter villains will keep even the sharpest cops happy in their job.
Free Lobotomies For The Brightest - If the bad guys won't get smarter, we can always dumb-down the good guys.  Of course, this approach sort of defeats the whole purpose of keeping the policing path open to smarter folks.  Only recommended for the truly committed (literally).
The Pastry Chase - What true-blue cop can resist a cup of joe and a nice stinky donut?  You can't blame a smart guy for getting bored when the damn things turn up in the same place every night.  What a drag.  So how about we move them around on them?  From now on, zoning laws in New London will require donut shops to be located in trailers that can be moved at random throughout the city - preferrably onto vacant lots that are breeding grounds for crime.  Alert, full and intellectually stimulated - recipe for a satisfied cop!
So, aspiring officers, take heart.  You don't have to be an idiot to work in New London (unless you pick option 2)!