Most infants come into the world with a glimmer of love and hope. Some with fame. Few with infamy. Some with a legacy of commercial stardom heaped upon them by their parents.
Infants should enjoy a moment of innocence before existence burdens them with shame and regret. Their given names should reflect a fond memory or foreshadow hope of transcendent achievement. They shouldn't be assigned in a lottery so Mom and Dad can get paid.
The Man - Get your Ouija board out Ms. Zahmensky. The Colonel, according to my Internet sources, lived a straight and narrow life. Who knows, he may have hated the damn name but respected his elders enough not to cast it aside. And maybe by the time he opened his 1,000th franchise he stopped caring and started smiling. He's not smiling now. He's casting a scornful eye on you. So if you want to stay in the man's graces, pull out.
WTF - No way was Colonel Sanders EVER this hip. It makes me cringe to think of the esteemed chicken man crooning over a plate of his famous bird. The Colonel never sang. He smiled once upon a time. But he didn't sing. And he didn't croon. I don't know what's going on in Kentucky, but if this is the kind of thing you get with a name like Harland, any parent should pump the brakes hard.
UPI reports that KFC has launched a crusade to persuade parents awaiting their newborns an opportunity to cash in on their newborns - just name them after the jocular showboat Harland Sanders. Good news is that the kid doesn't have to dispose of their surname. But they do have to live with the ridiculous "Harland" handle throughout their days. And, since we don't know about assignment of names in the afterlife, the kid might get stuck with the abomination through eternity.
Is it really worth $11K? 11K doesn't even pay for a year of college. Nobody's asking the kids for their opinion.
Many branches of the Christian faith postpone baptism until a person is able to accept Jesus into their lives. I'm no expert, but that sounds about right. If we can wait for the Lord, can't we put the Colonel off for a few years? Let the kid test the waters - try it out with their friends. When they recover from their injuries, they may get a job and pay their parents to turn KFC down.
To add insult to injury, KFC selected the cash prize to honor KFC's "famous 11 herbs and spices." $11K/11 herbs. Get it? The kid will. Harland is the 3,257th most common baby name of 2017. Not many kids get it. This one will.
"Even though vintage names are making a comeback, our iconic founder's name was dwindling in popularity, and we couldn't just stand idly by and let that happen," said Andrea Zahumensky, KFC U.S. chief marketing officer.
To parse that, these whackadoodle names are all the rage, but Harland really sucks, so KFC is gonna PAY you to stick your kid with it. Wow. That's pretty damn crass.
If KFC really wants to help the kid out, just start a foundation for needy kids to pay for their education. And be creative. Don't force them to go the college route. Pay them to take online courses and other forms of accessible education. They're all over the place! And they're free. Kids just need to support themselves while their getting skills.
What can be done to dissuade KFC from this awful campaign?
Every Kid's Nightmare
The American Heart Association - Moments after KFC issued the press release announcing their temptation to expectant parents, the AHA began mobilizing to kill the serpent. Anticipating a new generation of clogged arteries, the AHA offered to pay any parent who received KFC's payoff offer a lifetime of vouchers for healthy fruits and vegetables at Whole Foods. When the kid's five he or she will probably be begging to for Harland to get out of eating that crap!