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September 1, 2002
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French Ban Late-Nite Porn

In a report that confirms Europe's political shift to the right the Associated Press reported today today that there will be no more late-nite broadcast pronography.  Amid sorrowful cries of "Je voulois mon PTV" (that's "I want my PTV" for you and me) the French  regulators told Canal Plus to knock off the noctural naughtiness. 

The French were introduced to weekly doses of broadcast hardcore porn in 1984 when Canal Plus rolled them out "as a brash and racy new alternative to France's stuffy old channels."   One Parisian was overheard complaining about returning to the weekly grind of "Sex and the City" - evidently the frequent grinds featured there pale in comparison to what he and his compatriots have grown to know and love.  Oh, well.  One man's filet is another man's meat loaf. .
Jeff Goldthorp's Slightly Bizarre But True Current Events Site
Love Boat Reruns - The seventies was a pretty racy era in the otherwise prudish US.  Seems like a good place for the French to start looking for good "alternative" content - beginning with this weekly no holds barred grab-fest aboard the Pacific Princess.  Every third scene returns us to the poop deck for a gratuitous flesh shot of assorted bathers clad in string bikinis.  Sorry Jacques, no thongs back then.
I Love Lucy - Lucy and Ricky slept in the same bed!  In the fifties!  Enough said.
Saturday Night in Paris
AP reports that "Canal Plus, France's first pay-TV channel, has since blossomed into a darling of the cultural establishment, because it provides much-needed financial support to French filmmakers battling Hollywood domination."  US porn is routinely scoffed at among French intellectuals, who refer to it as "McPorn".  The US stuff is just a little on the light side for our amorous friends across the pond. .  

Canal Plus doesn't know what all the fuss is about.  After all, "it broadcasts porn only between midnight and 5 a.m. and, in any event, parents can prevent children watching by unplugging the special receiver needed to watch Canal broadcasts."  Now here's where American know-how goes one up on those fancy French pornographers - there ain't no way you're gonna keep a sixteen year old in heat away from porno by unplugging the damn cable box.  You need to smash that thang with a tire iron. 

Here's some of the stuff the folks in France will have to start getting used to know that their fun is over: 

Old News
Bennie Hill Reruns - Benny's not much to look at, and that old guy that turns up on the show from time to time is enough to scare the children, but he's got lots of naughty bits, many of which involve attractive women.  Not quite what the Bennie also hails from England and his show was produced there, which is not the US last time I checked.  One less reason for the French to reject the notion out of hand.