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August 24, 2001
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Connecticut Town Suspends Powerball Sales

The Associated Press reports that Greenwich, Conn has suspended the sale of Powerball lottery tickets to stem the flow of high-rollers and other ne'er-do-wells that has swelled as the size of the stakes has climbed.

Jeff Goldthorp's Slightly Bizarre Current Events Site
You see, New York is one of the few states that does not offer the game.  And boy are they pissed.  So they're climbing onto commuter trains headed for the promisedland, which happens to be one stop over the border in Connecticut (i.e., Greenwich).   Bummer.  Now they have to hang on until Hartford.  And, let's face it, who wants to be in Hartford?  Greenwich is so much more in keeping with the spirit of the journey. 

With all the fuss the folks in Greenwich are making you'd think Powerball is akin to a back-alley craps game.  Just not so, say the lottery authorities.  Their web site is reasonably clear on the point:

"Well, in Connecticut, profits from the state lottery drawings go to the Department of Education (about half of the proceeds do, at an rate). All kidding aside, the Powerball game in Connecticut is a state lottery game. The profits from Powerball in Connecticut and from any other Connecticut Lottery game is exactly the same."

So what's with these people in Greenwich?  Public education not good enough for them?  Well, then again, maybe it's not . . .

And what of the poor staphangers from New York?  ``You also have to understand, it's such a large jackpot,'' said Dominic Pizzimenti of Astoria, N.Y., who took a train to Greenwich. ``Maybe if we hit the jackpot we can afford to live in Greenwich and complain like everybody else.''  Well . . . I suppose this might be exactly what the nice people in Greenwich are most afraid of.  The only thing worse than a bunch of daytrippers clogging up the corner pharmacy is a bunch of lifetrippers clogging up the schools, sewers and parks.

I'm thinking that if the folks in Greenwich have the clout to stop Powerball, they can probably put the kabash on anything.  So here's some other ideas for you partypoopers to consider:

Pokemon - I'll start my own lottery to stop the madness.  Call me - I'm paying cash up-front.  None of this annuity crap.
Al Gore's "Beard" - Poor Al.  I don't know if this is another weak attempt at alpha-maledom or an equally sad shot at going incognito.Either way it's got to go.  Don't even think he'll need a double-trak to scrape that thing off.  Maybe some Nair.

Word has it that Al is hitting the stump again.  A word to the wise - eliminate this growth before anybody comes to the conclusion that it is anything other than a momentary (literally) lapse of reason.
The Tech Bubble Hype - It was fun while it lasted but it's over so get over it.  Now, would somebody clean up the floor in this place so we can get ready for the next party?