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July 17, 2004
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John Edwards Shows His Romantic Side

Reuters reports that the Kerry's are about to celebrate their 27th wedding anniversary.  And where do you think Senator Edwards takes his bride on special occaisions such as this?  None other than the local Wendy's! 

Elizabeth Edwards says the tradition started on their first anniversary when they were in the middle of a move and didn't feel like getting spruced up.  "The next year, for some reason, we found ourselves at Wendy's again."  Do I detect a note of angst?  Well, it couldn't have been too piercing, because they've been doing it every year since (going to Wendy's, that is).
Jeff Goldthorp's Slightly Bizarre But True Current Events Site
Bill and Hillary - Here's a happy couple.  They were once, you know.  Word has it that the Clinton's enjoyed their first anniversary at the Little Rock White Castle in honor of the house they both aspired to occupy, one after the other.  Bill's no slouch when it comes to junk food - he was super sizin' it back when the term had an entirely different meaning.
When the Senator was asked how he felt about the arrangement, he immediately lost his trademark smile got very serious.  It's OK to be lighthearted where grave matters of public policy are concered, but a man's gotta draw the line somewhere.  Then he displayed for the world the size of the burger he was aimin' for.  At least we hope that's what he was referring to . . . otherwise I know somebody that's a candidate for some natural male enhancement.

Mrs. Edwards is fond of saying that it is her husband's optimism, not his good looks, that keeps their love alive.  Well, she didn't mention the few million he has stashed away and the fact that he's a Senator.   As for Sen. Edwards, I think it takes more than a little optimism to convince yourself that you won't wake up in an empty bed the morning after you take your newlywed to Wendy's on your first anniversary.   How about awe-inspiring, unabashed confidence?  Oh, and did I say he's a multi-millionaire Senator?

No word on what the Kerrys do to mark the milestones of matrimonial bliss, but I'll bet there are things involved with names I can't pronounce, and I'm talking about the food.  Edwards might be simple, but he's probably more fun.

So now I'm wondering.  What do our other prominent public figures do on similar occasions?  I don't know, but I can guess.  Here are a few:

Old News
George and Laura - I wouln't want anybody to accuse me of being  a flaming conservative, so I'll spread the joy around a bit.  Before I begin, doesn't that dog look like Cinton's dog?  Damn, did Bill breeze our of the White House in such a hurry that he forgot his dog?  That dog was by his side when he was sleeping on the couch!  Bill really does have a problem with commitment.
Moving on, I've got to spend a little time on what George and Laura do on their happy day.  But nobody will tell me.  Evidently, it's a state secret.  And all records of their previous anniversaries have been redacted.  I've submitted a Freedom of Information Act request, but I'm not optimistic. 
The Senator Sizes His Whopper
Let Me Kow What You Think!
Come to think of it, this dog even sort of looks like Checkers, Nixon's controversial pet from the 50s.  That damn dog has been wandering around the White House for fifty years while new occupants come and go.  Do these guys just abandon their dogs when their term expires?  Is a cuddly cocker spaniel one of the perqs of the Presendency?  Who makes sure they get fed on inauguration day?  I'm starting to stress about this. 

Bill and Hillary Pre-Disillusionment
George, Laura and Suspicious Pooch
Nixon and Checkers aka . . .
Martha and ? - Well, truth is Martha is no longer inflicting the blessings of domestic bliss on some poor bastard.  She's been kind of busy lately.  But she was married, once (that I know of).  This knot was untied for reasons that you can probably guess, but they are said to have spent their first anniversary dining happily at home . . . with Martha's army of  minions slaving away under her watchful eye preparing the feast.  I think Martha will have another quiet dinner at home this year, whether she wants to or not.