It all started with Miley Cyrus. I was all set to blog away on Miley's surge into uber-adulthood when I was persuaded to hold my fire and honor a promise I recently made. Sigh. Miley is such an easy target right now, but I will save the easy pickings for another day. Today I must face my own trial by fire.
You see, a couple of weeks ago I issued a challenge. Send me a topic and I will compose a page about it no matter how random and seemingly devoid of humor and pregnant irony it may be. I set myself high on the horse of humor and was presented with a topic that is mystifying in its pointlessness. To quote the challenger: "All right wiseass. Write about monkeys on motorcycles." Damn. Wouldn't you all rather hear about Miley?
I see you're enjoying my plight. After all, what is there to be said about monkeys on motorcycles that hasn't already been said? To whit, nothing. My personal monkeys on motorcycles record is refreshingly spic and span - littered with nary a scrap of useful content or senseless dribble. I'll try the magnificent antidote to blogger's block, Google, in a moment. But first let me plumb the depths of my nefarious Id.
I have a dim recollection that there's something funny about monkeys on motorcycles. Kind of like dogs playing poker, though I never felt anymore other than pity for those poor mutts, seated uncomfortably at poker tables and prohibited as they were from roaming free to chase cats and rodents. Seemed unnatural and I remain surprised that PETA hasn't launched a campaign to rid the world of these exploitive images. Why would monkeys on motorcycles be any different, despite the somewhat more carefree attitude that comes with the easy rider culture? Could the motorcycle take what would otherwise be a maudlin display and transform it into a liberating font of mirth?
Sadly, odd creatures on motorcycles alone isn't enough to tickle even the itchiest funnybone. Ever laugh at a clown on a motorcycle? I've seen plenty of kids cry when clowns show up on motorcycles. Sometimes it's all it takes to ruin an otherwise fun parade. Nobody has done a statistically significant analysis to determine whether the clown or the bike is at fault, but I'm gonna bet against the clown every time. Clowns just suck and monkeys are comparatively cute and free of bile, despite they would have you believe on Night at the Museum (i.e., monkeys don't throw crap at people - you'll never convince me). Maybe giraffes on motorcycles would provoke a fit of laughter, but I suspect not. I laugh easy, and the giraffe gig just ain't doing it for me.
So I seemed to have talked myself out of the whole notion that there is something inherently funny about monkeys on motorcycles. I can find nothing in my personal experience that would render the notion factual, despite my somewhat blurry recollection that it is indeed true. So what could it be? For this I must turn to the Google Gods for help, though I refuse to concede defeat since there was no rule against Googling. Here's what I got:
The Banana Splits - After some careful consideration and gentle reminders from a dear friend I now realize that my hazy memories of monkeys on motorcycles were rooted in fact! And those damn monkeys were having FUN! Most of the time they road around in little buggies, though. Funnier than Laugh-In, more musical talent than The Monkees, hipper than Tiny Tim - The Banana Splits KICKED ASS!
Planet of the Apes - OK, so I couldn't find an image of apes cruising around on motorcycles, but I KNOW I saw them apes doing it on more than one movie - especially those evil warlike apes. They looked more like biker monkeys than harmless banana splits, but nevertheless it remains firmly etched in my mind.