After an unpleasant episode of puppy incontinence that resulted in a Presidential newspaper-rolling, application to Bo's hind-quarters, and a mad scramble through the family quarters, Bo finally settled in for a peaceful Christmas Eve in his usual berth. Fully expecting to join the First Family in the tropical sun, Bo drifted off to visions of hula, limbo, and surfing. Alas, it was not to be.
That night the President invited the Majority Leader over to honor the morning's victory in the Senate. They celebrated in keeping with the spirit of the season, which called for a tad more punch than was the President's custom. In a moment of playful fancy, he challenged the Majority Leader to flash the lights on the national Christmas tree. Harry being Harry, he flashed them then dared the President to flash them twice. This went on until the White House was left in total darkness as Pepco tried to compensate for the wild swings in demand coming from midtown. The President sent the Majority Leader packing and retired to the family quarters, where the First Family had long since retreated.
Morning came, the alarms were askew, and the First Family dashed about throwing their things together to hop on Air Force One before the arrival of a forecast snowstorm. They made it off the tarmac just as the first flake fell and poor Bo awoke from his slumbers, abandoned in a desolate, creaky old house.
Meanwhile strays roamed the streets of the city. These were mangy, nasty dogs who scurried around at night lacking even the common decency of a dog collar. Hungry and treacherous, the strays preyed on the weak and lacked even the honor of thieves. These dogs would do anything for Alpo. Bo would hear them howling in the night as he shivered in his lonely berth.
As the days went by Bo noticed that two mean dogs seemed to be paying particular attention to the White House. They would wander by nonchalantly during the day, glancing furtively at the grounds and making smalltalk with the local pets.
No vegetable, Bo knew something was afoot and began to ponder. "Surely these scoundrels will soon be upon the ramparts," he thought. "And if that Salahis crew can get in here, then the place is wide open to criminals of all stripes. I am on my own." The First Pooch set to planning.
First he wandered down to the kitchen, where he found an ample supply of Kibbles. Next he found and captured the First Cat Humphrey, which he prepared to sacrifice should it become necessary (or not). He scoured the mansion in search of various and sundry First Pets, gathering each in turn until he had a near-Ark of creation. All suitable for possible sacrifice as the evil dogs closed in. There was even a pair of First Monkeys but theyt seemed so much in love that Bo spared them. Finally, he rummaged around the Oval Office and accumulated a random collection of office supplies, some useful to his purpose others just odd.
Bo spent the afternoon laying traps around the house. Dogs, not otherwise known for high intellect, will tend to fall for just about anything. So Bo set the usual obvious stuff, but he also had a few surprises held in reserve. By sundown Bo was ready for battle.
Mean Dog (Or Large Hamster)
Of course, the mangy beasts were right but they didn't give Bo credit for being a double-crossing bastard. The hound approaching from below was the first to breach a gate and he was met with enough Kibbles to satisfy his desire for the entire New Year. Naturally, the disloyal mutt was lost and abandoned his companion and sated his appetite. One down.
Bo, meanwhile, waited in the shadows for the other to come in through the back door. He had the cat trapped in a box that was hooked to a rube goldburg contraption that lifted up automatically when the back door opened. He also had a White House letter opener dangling over the threshold set to descend upon the visitor's scalp upon entry but everybody knows how dull those are. Needless to say it bounced off with nary a scratch but that cat bounded away from the evil predator in terror as he came creeping in the door, sending the intruder in mindless pursuit. The two ran around the White House like idiots until Bo, still in hiding, turned the First Bird loose, which caused the dumb dog to grind to a halt and consider his options while both escaped. Thankfully, Bo relieved the tension by slipping out the First Gerbil, which the miserable bandit eyed with disappointment. As he dipped his head to gobble the morsel, losing site of his surroundings for a moment, Bo leapt from the shadows and clocked him with the First Frying Pan in perfect Roadrunner form. The hound was down for the count and Bo wandered to the red phone to call the Secret Service.
Meanwhile, on the fourth day of their warm, wonderful holiday in Hawaii the First Couple were lying on a private beach soaking up the sun when the First Lady exclaimed in horror:
"BARRY we forgot BO!!!"
The President woke in mild irritation, paused to consider for a moment, then replied:
"Chill Michelle. He's just a damn dog."
And they rolled over, closed their eyes, and slept into the New Year.
That night, just as Bo has figured, the villains descended upon the White House. They approached the mansion as a pair, but quickly split, one headed for the basement entrance and the other for the back door, though both knew the easiest entrance to this particular house was the front door. Somehow Bo's reputation as a crafty pooch had spread, so the intruders suspected a more secure front entrance tonight.