Know Kidding
email me
November 4, 2004
Sign InView Entries
The President Speaks

Our new President is fresh out of the box and he's already stepping on his phallus.  Honestly, the man has a gift for saying shockingly stupid things.  Of course, it would be bad form to actually say he's stupid - perish the thought.  He's verbally challenged, and his awkward attempts to rise to the infrequent occasion are invariably met with either fleeting disappointment or harsh despair depending on your persuasion. 

The New York Times (one of the few times you'll see that particular Times cited in this rag) was the first to bring us the Commander in Chief's bumbling moves to bridge the schism that divides our body politic.  Let's go through them one by one - what fun!
Jeff Goldthorp's Slightly Bizarre But True Current Events Site
Old News
Let Me Know What You Think!
What, Me Worry?

RSS Version
"With the campaign over, Americans are expecting a bipartisan effort and results." - Finally, an explanation for the past four years!  Rather then him screwing things up, it was simply a case of low expectations on our part.  Some of us may not have known it, but we really weren't expecting "bipartisan effort and results" before now.  We were really expecting divisiveness and incompetence, which is exactly what we got!  Bush was just trying to keep his customers satisfied for the past four years, and the easiest way to annoy a customer is to exceed their expectations.

"I have made no decisions on my cabinet and/or White House staff.  There will be some changes. I don't know who they will be. It's inevitable there will be changes. " - Hmmm.  He's made no decisions, but he has made decisions, but he doesn't know what they are, but they're inevitable.  Sounds like he's taking a cue from his favorite candidate, Sen. Kerry, who was known for the occasional bought of uncertainty.

"One of the disappointments of being here in Washington is how bitter this town can become and how divisive.  I'm not blaming one party or the other. It's just the reality of Washington, D.C. - sometimes exacerbated by you, because it's great sport. It's really - it's entertaining for some. It also makes it difficult to govern at times. " - In other words, it's everybody's fault but his.  He's actually the victim.  Thanks for clearing that up, Mr. President.

"My answer to people is, I will be your president regardless of your faith.  The great tradition of America is one where people can worship the way they want to worship. And if they choose not to worship, you're just as patriotic as your neighbor.'' - Nice try, POTUS, but somehow you've probably managed to offend just about everybody here.  The first sentence is almost a challenge - "Look, I'm your President, so just get over it!"  And what does patriotism have to do with spirituality, anyway?  I never assumed there was a connection.  By untying this self-inflicted knot, Bush implies that it was there all along.

"The key to making sure that the deficit is reduced is for there to be on the one hand spending discipline.  The other way to make sure that the deficit is decreased is to grow the economy.'' - So that's the trick!  Wake Alan Greenspan immediately - he's going to want to be illuminated!  But, wait a minute.  Didn't Bush sign bills authorizing huge discretionary spending increases during his first term?  And didn't the economy actually shed jobs?  Let's ask Alan.

"First of all, there's no vacancy for the Supreme Court, and I will deal with the vacancy when there is one.  And when I told the people on the campaign trail that I'll pick somebody who knows the difference between personal opinion and the strict interpretation of the law - you might have heard that several times - I meant what I said.'' - Where do I start.  If there's no vacancy, why does he have to deal with the vacancy.  Obviously he's trying to be thoughtful considering the Chief Justice's condition, and it is nice to see a little compassionate conservatism at work.  And what's this about the "strict interpretation of the law"?  Isn't the Supreme Court supposed to be held to no higher authority than the Constitution itself?  Seems the whole reason it's there is to protect the nation from an evil legislature and executive, a role they may be called upon to play sooner rather than later.  Regrettably, they are poorly suited to the task.